Isolation

Solace.
Isolation.
Aloneness.
Serenity.
Solitude.
One my own.
Away from everything
From every one.

I find what was lost,
To gain what is found.
To live to be alive.
To love, to give life.

MIRACLE

When i heard this, I remember you and i cried. Im missing you with every heartbeat. I love you everyday and twice on Sundays. Visit me in my dreams and comfort me in my sleep, not a day goes by that im not thinking of you.

MIRACLE  by  KT Tunstall
 
Remember we’d always see
The end is the enemy
Now I know it isn’t so
We’re starting to rea-lize…
You’ve been given me good advice
About where we go
And if I ever need you
You’ll be there..  In the end
 
Chorus:
Like a miracle A miracle (A miracle)
Maybe when we leave It’s a rise and not a fall
Is it possible?
It seems so real.
I’m sure that I can see the stars in your eyes
 
With this mores of agility
And beautiful ability
There’s must be a reason
To why we all survive
And feel this alive
Could it be, that we all have a key, to this universe
I’m searching for a way to reach that high
A way to fly
(Repeat Chorus)
 
Bridge:
Even there’s a law,
To fight and let it go
I’d still fight it, fight it.
Now I am alone
I feel it in my bones
I have not yet found
Against this li—fe..
 
For It’s a miracle A miracle
Maybe when we leave it’s a rise and not a fall
Is it possible?
It seems so real
I’m sure that I can see the stars in your eyes.
 
It’s a miracle, a miracle
See these patterns emerging all over?
It’s incredible
So beautiful
The purpose of this love for each of us.
(Interlude until fade)

I bend
I fell
I bleed

Tumbling down
The open sea

I begged
I kneeled
I plead

Drowning on
That open waTer

I tried
I fought
I failed

Dying tormented.
Lost my heart and soul.

You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was O.K.
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

[Chorus:]
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry

So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

[Chorus]

Yeah, c'mon
Yeah, c'mon, c'mon
Break break down
Gotta get control
Roll roll roll along
Steady breakin' me on down
Roll roll roll along
Break break down
Gotta get control
Roll roll roll along
Steady breakin' me on down
Roll roll along

It'll break you down
Only if you let it
Everyday crucial situation wrackin' my mind
Tryin' to break me down
But I won't let it
Forget it
Forget it

I've been feelin' like you're breakin' me down
Kickin' me around
Stressin' me out
I think I better go and get out and let me
Release some stress (stress)

Don't ever wanna feel no pain (pain)
Hoping for the sun
But it looks like rain (rain, rain, rain)
Oh, i just wanna maintain

Yeah, when you feel the pressure's on
But nevertheless
Krayzie won't fall
It's over
It's endin' here, here 

A dream.

What are you doing?

I ask myself over and over again.

I shouldn't be thinking about you but I cant get you off my mind.

Your lips, your touch, the warmth of your skin against mine.

Your smell that lingers drowning, drowing me.

Pulling me towards you, closer to you.

Your smile, the way you laugh echoes inside my head, your voice its like a lullaby and I keep falling.

haunt me while i sleep reining in my dreams.

You sieze and took control, I bow and gave my soul.

Though you are just a melody, just a set of symphonies.

An imagination,  too far from my realization.

A love so true, a lover that will last.

Will someday be within my grasp.

Yes you did.

ohhh i was completly numb
i was waiting for a phone call that would never come
and then my eyes were bloodshot
all i saw was red and i couldnt get you out my head
my ego bruised was black and blue
if only you knew

i was so cold
frozen from my forehead to my little toes
every day was like a lifetime
it was so slow
only heaven knows
where my angel go
and it was so hard
waking up and trying to find a new start
everyday living was a painfull part
another day in the life of a broken heart

and then you came in at my darkest moments
when the sun was the lowest
girl you came and lift me up
and took the weight off my shoulders
the wait is now over and gone
you see my darkest moments seem to have to come before dawn

. . .

Im starting to miss you.

Shit.

I know im not supposed to but I do. No not because of anything but just because your you. No, no I dont want you. I need you.

I need you.

This isnt right. And its makes me sad. Because we both know what this meant. We might need to stop talking. Sucks. I admit im a bit weak at the moment and I gave in to the need. I cant hold myself back from being suck into you. You. Im starting to look for you. Like an addict, you are my drug and you get me high. All the time.

now im screwed.

Through the years I never admitted to what I really feel and I might appear to shrug things off and be nonchalant about us. What we had.  what we could have been.

Why say something now? You will ask.

Because I think you are ready.  we havent fought about our past like we had in the past. We can talk about it and toast jokes around now unlike before that we will be defensive and will be at each other throat in a snap. This time is different. We are different. Different but sort of the same. Weird.

Its crazy.

I still have the pictures. Videos. Emails. Voice records. And whenever I miss you, whenever I think about you I listen to them. I look them up. And reminisce.  Nobody knows. Nobody but me. I deny what I feel to everybody else.  but not when im all by myself.

You know what.

When we broke up for years ive been wishing we would get back together. We would have another chance. Another shot at love. Even until now. If only things were different.  If only.

But we are what we are.

And you are just a dream. A dream I would always yearn. A dream that will never stop needing. Yes I could love other people, but you will always have me. You still own me.

Shit. And yes im screwed.

Thank you

Hmmmm.. Let me start by saying it was the best longest conversation ive ever had in years. Ive forgotten how the sound of your voice can calm me. And how we can talk about anything and everything under the sun. In any topic without fearing that you wont be understand or wont be heard. It amazing how you can feel your mind working.   Gushes of wind lifting the fog out of my mind.  Good fun. It was good fun. Nobody have the same effect on me like you do. And it was refreshing. And I wanna say thank you. Thank you for giving me what I needed. I hope I made you feel happy at least.

2

Dalawang panahon
Dalawang pagkakataon
Ngayon at magpakaylanman
Ikay aking iibigin

Noon ngayon
Kahapon bukas
Oras na nakalipas
Ikaw hanggang wakas.

Maikling pinagsamahan
Alaalang pinagdaanan
Sa pusot isipan'y
Ikay di kalilimutan

Pag-ibig na wagas
Dalisay't walang kupas
Lumipas man ilang bukas
Sa iyo'y walang tutumbas

If only

If I could only make you see
That you and I are meant to be
Like the sun the sky and the rolling sea
Stuck like glue our hearts should be

If I could only make you see
That you are made for me
Like that gentle breeze on a warm summer nights
Like the flowers that bloom when springs in sight.

Your eyes may wonder, oh how they wonder
Desperately trying to look for love elsewhere
Playing with fire until you get burned
And all I can do is just sit and stare

Helpless....

If could only make you see
That you and I are meant to be.

Nobody can help you
Other people dont even care
Though your friends are there to help you
But you cant tell them everything.

Your heart is silently breaking
Silent tears are falling down
When you are numb with pain
And you cant help but break down.

Faith is still so cruel
Though the truth is screaming out
When hope is but a death wish
And you are blinded by love.

Something I read. Something beautiful.

Date A Girl Who Reads

You should date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

―Rosemarie Urquico

Vanilla twilight

Music.

I always feel nostalgic whenever I hear songs that reminds me of someone, some place, some time. It makes me feel sadder that there are song that I love alot that clings to my past. I cant listen to them without reminding me of memories I forgot and I buried. Its not that I think about those or even miss them, it happens that certain song jolts you back in time.

Whats the point of this? Just the realization that im not as immune as I thought I was. Im still human and I do feel and remember things. A sudden burst of realistic tendency is good for my idealistic egotistical mind.