Over kill

I had it all laid out. But then after a few days I still havent wrote anything. Im drifting. This is harder than I thought. I know what need to do just the words dont flow as freelybas I want it to. I keep dreaming too. Its vivid, its feels so real but everytime I wake up I cant remember her face, what shes like but I remember how it feels like. Its weird. I havent had this for a very long time. Havent felt like this in ages its just confusing let alone disturbing.  I hate wondering. I hate not being control of my emotion and even my dreams. And these dreams are getting in my way. over thinking is such an over kill and its weighing me down. I have alot  of things to think about than to wonder. Im done waiting and wondering for these kind of things. Subconscious just leave me be. You are not helping by confusing me.