Six months rule

Hhmmmm... I thought this movie will suck but blimmey it was pretty good. The movie said there are two kinds of girls. The one you dated and the girl of your dreams. And it made me look at how my relationships have been for the last decade. And as much as i wanna say i didnt really had that. I did. Falling inlove was such the sweetest thing. It was the most wonderful thing i have ever felt. Innocent, honest, head over heels kinda feeling. Falling that madly inlove was heaven on earth. And that was what drove me mad too. It destroyed me. And im not the same person eversince.

A friend said that the sign of me really growing up and maturing is me being single for a long time. And I have been. Since I started dating this will be the longest time Ive been alone. No date, not even flirting and im not even looking for it. For the first time in years, ive never felt as myself as I am now. I dont have any worries that im not making anybody unhappy. I always do everything in my own pace and in my own time. I guess im naturally a loner. I dont especially like being force to do or say certain things
especially when I dont feel like it at that time. I have given alot of myself that over the years I lost track of who I was and what I really am as I person. I forgot why I got into relationships in the first place. I was so idealistic and romantic and I give everything to make it work, but I was gullible, naive and blinded to the point that I was taken advantage too.

Finding myself again, made me realize what I really wanna have. It may sound silly and crazy, but I guess somethings will never change. Eventhough I have change in more ways than one, I am still that idealistic romantic fool as I have always been. Wanting my perfect love story. It maybe just my fantasy but I  just wanna loose myself to someone who will be crazy enough to break down my walls. But I guess everybody wants to have that too, maybe. Well this line from the movie I guess describe what I want best:

I wanna give up a part of myself to have you, ive never felt like that before. I am unbelievably miserable, but I am better than I was and its because of you.