A dream.

What are you doing?

I ask myself over and over again.

I shouldn't be thinking about you but I cant get you off my mind.

Your lips, your touch, the warmth of your skin against mine.

Your smell that lingers drowning, drowing me.

Pulling me towards you, closer to you.

Your smile, the way you laugh echoes inside my head, your voice its like a lullaby and I keep falling.

haunt me while i sleep reining in my dreams.

You sieze and took control, I bow and gave my soul.

Though you are just a melody, just a set of symphonies.

An imagination,  too far from my realization.

A love so true, a lover that will last.

Will someday be within my grasp.

Yes you did.

ohhh i was completly numb
i was waiting for a phone call that would never come
and then my eyes were bloodshot
all i saw was red and i couldnt get you out my head
my ego bruised was black and blue
if only you knew

i was so cold
frozen from my forehead to my little toes
every day was like a lifetime
it was so slow
only heaven knows
where my angel go
and it was so hard
waking up and trying to find a new start
everyday living was a painfull part
another day in the life of a broken heart

and then you came in at my darkest moments
when the sun was the lowest
girl you came and lift me up
and took the weight off my shoulders
the wait is now over and gone
you see my darkest moments seem to have to come before dawn

. . .

Im starting to miss you.

Shit.

I know im not supposed to but I do. No not because of anything but just because your you. No, no I dont want you. I need you.

I need you.

This isnt right. And its makes me sad. Because we both know what this meant. We might need to stop talking. Sucks. I admit im a bit weak at the moment and I gave in to the need. I cant hold myself back from being suck into you. You. Im starting to look for you. Like an addict, you are my drug and you get me high. All the time.

now im screwed.

Through the years I never admitted to what I really feel and I might appear to shrug things off and be nonchalant about us. What we had.  what we could have been.

Why say something now? You will ask.

Because I think you are ready.  we havent fought about our past like we had in the past. We can talk about it and toast jokes around now unlike before that we will be defensive and will be at each other throat in a snap. This time is different. We are different. Different but sort of the same. Weird.

Its crazy.

I still have the pictures. Videos. Emails. Voice records. And whenever I miss you, whenever I think about you I listen to them. I look them up. And reminisce.  Nobody knows. Nobody but me. I deny what I feel to everybody else.  but not when im all by myself.

You know what.

When we broke up for years ive been wishing we would get back together. We would have another chance. Another shot at love. Even until now. If only things were different.  If only.

But we are what we are.

And you are just a dream. A dream I would always yearn. A dream that will never stop needing. Yes I could love other people, but you will always have me. You still own me.

Shit. And yes im screwed.

Thank you

Hmmmm.. Let me start by saying it was the best longest conversation ive ever had in years. Ive forgotten how the sound of your voice can calm me. And how we can talk about anything and everything under the sun. In any topic without fearing that you wont be understand or wont be heard. It amazing how you can feel your mind working.   Gushes of wind lifting the fog out of my mind.  Good fun. It was good fun. Nobody have the same effect on me like you do. And it was refreshing. And I wanna say thank you. Thank you for giving me what I needed. I hope I made you feel happy at least.