. . .

Im starting to miss you.

Shit.

I know im not supposed to but I do. No not because of anything but just because your you. No, no I dont want you. I need you.

I need you.

This isnt right. And its makes me sad. Because we both know what this meant. We might need to stop talking. Sucks. I admit im a bit weak at the moment and I gave in to the need. I cant hold myself back from being suck into you. You. Im starting to look for you. Like an addict, you are my drug and you get me high. All the time.

now im screwed.

Through the years I never admitted to what I really feel and I might appear to shrug things off and be nonchalant about us. What we had.  what we could have been.

Why say something now? You will ask.

Because I think you are ready.  we havent fought about our past like we had in the past. We can talk about it and toast jokes around now unlike before that we will be defensive and will be at each other throat in a snap. This time is different. We are different. Different but sort of the same. Weird.

Its crazy.

I still have the pictures. Videos. Emails. Voice records. And whenever I miss you, whenever I think about you I listen to them. I look them up. And reminisce.  Nobody knows. Nobody but me. I deny what I feel to everybody else.  but not when im all by myself.

You know what.

When we broke up for years ive been wishing we would get back together. We would have another chance. Another shot at love. Even until now. If only things were different.  If only.

But we are what we are.

And you are just a dream. A dream I would always yearn. A dream that will never stop needing. Yes I could love other people, but you will always have me. You still own me.

Shit. And yes im screwed.