saying goodbyes...

Hi, I am writing you a letter to say the things that I wanted to say but can’t. I have always been good more at writing than saying the things that I truly feel and things that has been weighing on my mind.

I am not happy anymore. There’s I said it. That’s why I have been distant, unemotional, unavailable. No, I am not cheating on you or that I have met somebody else. This have been weighing on my mind since last year when bouts of depression keeps hitting me. No, I didn’t tell you about it or sometimes I did but nothing can comfort me and ease what I’m feeling.

With everything going on, I feel lost in all of this and I don’t know what I can offer you. I have not been giving you what you deserve and that’s burry me further in the ditch I am feeling because I know that you deserve better, much better than what I can give you. I know the past months I just keep on hurting you and I don’t want to do that anymore. My conscience weighs so heavy on me that I feel immobilized most of the time now. And I can’t take that burdened anymore. If I do, I just plunge deeper and deeper in the darkness I have been in for months.

Sorry if I can’t keep my promise of not letting you go, I have tried. I really did but I rather let you go than slowly burn you out and hurt you further. I can’t give all of myself to you and as of the moment I don’t even know who me is.

You are kind, generous and loving and as much as it pains me, for the life of me I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve to beloved like that when I can’t give the same love back. I hate being taken advantage of and taking advantage of things. I could keep on taking and not really care about you but I highly respect you to do that.

Thank you for the love that you have given me. No apologies can ever ease this pain I will cause you but I know and I feel that I will be causing more if I don’t to this. And I don’t want to ruin you. I care for you a lot and I don’t want that. This pains me more than you can ever imagined. I am sorry but the depression I am feeling is too heavy to bear. I am just so lost right now. I need to find myself again.