Everything is blurry. It seems like ages ago when i was booking my ticket, planning my vacation, and being excited about going home. The truth is i need that vacation. I need to feel how it feels to go home and see the changes the last 20 months had change. I really don't know where my home is now. Since it was taken from me a few months ago.... This trip is different, it was unplanned, in a hurry, and the details are fuzzy but here i am, a few hours way from boarding a plane and going back to the place where i used to belong...
A few hours more and its starting to dawn on me, hes not gonna be there. He's not gonna drive me to my errands, im never gonna touch him again, smell him, im never gonna feel the comfort and security that only he could give..... Now more than ever,, Im missing you...
I have always taken for granted everything, coz you've been with me all my life, as far as i can remember. Holding my hand, the re-assuring smile and and the never ending love you give me which shaped me and taught me more than i could ever comprehend... Although this is not a pleasure trip, im starting to feel my grief, the pain gripping my heart and the loneliness starting to sink in...
How can i cope living in the same house without you? I know i just have to suck it up, breathe and deal with it. I know you will hate it if i cry over you, but i couldn't help it, even if i try... and Unconsciously I've been planning to feel the gap that you left by spending as little time at home and i know that's not really a good thing... That's not the reason for the trip and it killing me.... now i'm having second thoughts about it,,, why did i ever volunteer for this?? I should have stayed quiet and just watch it pass me by, but i cant afford to do that now, i'm needed and i need to stand and be there for everybody.
I don't know how i would react tomorrow, but one thing i'm not looking forward to is lighting a candle on your grave, for both of you...... It feels empty without you.
A few hours more and its starting to dawn on me, hes not gonna be there. He's not gonna drive me to my errands, im never gonna touch him again, smell him, im never gonna feel the comfort and security that only he could give..... Now more than ever,, Im missing you...
I have always taken for granted everything, coz you've been with me all my life, as far as i can remember. Holding my hand, the re-assuring smile and and the never ending love you give me which shaped me and taught me more than i could ever comprehend... Although this is not a pleasure trip, im starting to feel my grief, the pain gripping my heart and the loneliness starting to sink in...
How can i cope living in the same house without you? I know i just have to suck it up, breathe and deal with it. I know you will hate it if i cry over you, but i couldn't help it, even if i try... and Unconsciously I've been planning to feel the gap that you left by spending as little time at home and i know that's not really a good thing... That's not the reason for the trip and it killing me.... now i'm having second thoughts about it,,, why did i ever volunteer for this?? I should have stayed quiet and just watch it pass me by, but i cant afford to do that now, i'm needed and i need to stand and be there for everybody.
I don't know how i would react tomorrow, but one thing i'm not looking forward to is lighting a candle on your grave, for both of you...... It feels empty without you.
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